Monday, July 20, 2009

Day of Birth

Tomorrow is my birthday. They don't seem to mean much to me anymore, not like they use to. One day older, not necessarily wiser, a bit more wrinkled and only sure of the fact that year after year it will continue. Can't stop a birthday can you.

Today was my "me" day. I got my hair done, took myself out to lunch and then to the movies. I used to think that going to the movies by yourself was such a lonely, sad thing to do but then I moved to a town where I had no friends and realized that you will do almost anything to survive. 

It was afterwards that I began to struggle. Chris was out with the baby and wouldn't be home for a while, what would I do? I wasn't used to having so much time to myself. I was excited about it at first but as the day wore on, I became anxious. I had my camera and tried taking pictures of the storm clouds but nothing seemed right. I went for a drive in the country but ended up on the same roads I always do. I tried to write the children's story that's been rattling around in my head for over a year but was too scared to put pen to paper.

So here I sit wondering what to do with myself. Wondering when my family will be home. Sometimes we should be careful what we wish for.

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